May 4th, 2011 is the 124th day of the year. There are 241 days remaining until 2012.
Today’s Date In Obscure History: 1970 – The Ohio National Guard open fire on a crowd of students protesting at Kent State, killing four and wounding nine others. Most believe the students were protesting the Vietnam War but actually the protest was in response to the US led invasion of Cambodia, which had been announced by President Nixon four days earlier. Several of the people shot were not even protesting, they just happened to be walking by or observing the event when the Guardsmen opened fire. The killing prompted 4 million students to protest and 900 colleges to cancel school the next day. Riots took place across the country, leading to more confrontations with state national guard and police. In Washington DC, 100,000 students and protestors angrily marched throughout the streets, President Nixon was actually taken to Camp David for his own safety. To all the shitbums that “rioted” for Osama Bin laden – we hope you were taking notes. This is how you riot.
Today’s Birthday: 1970 – Will Arnett. Actor best known for playing Gob on Arrested Development and a man who will forever live in the shadow of his highly successful wife until he gets his friggin due from Hollywood. Yes, Mr. Amy Poehler has been one of the most unlucky funnymen in Hollywood. When his career began, he starred in four – yes four pilots – in the late 1990s/early 2000s that were not picked up. He almost swore off acting altogether after this string of failures, but his agent convinced to keep at it, and auditioned for a strange little Fox show called Arrested Development. But we all know how that one turned out – despite critical and cultural praise, the show was yanked around by Fox like a gigolo’s dick, and was cancelled in 2006. After stints on 30 Rock and Parks and Development (his wife’s hit show – that’s gotta stick in his craw), he finally was given his own show to launch, Running Wilde, with Keri Russell, which was cancelled after one year. He also had the ubiquitous honor of being in the worst movie of 2010 – Jonah Hex. Poor Gob. Hope his birthday works out better for him than the last five years of his career.
 It’s called taking advantage. It’s what gets you ahead in life. Today’s Death: 2009 – Dom DeLuise. Actor and comedian and the funniest guy that I seriously know nothing about. If you told me Dom DeLuise had 12 kids with 8 different wives and also financed the moon landing, I would have no evidence to support or disagree. If you told me he invented sweat pants and opened a string of Red Lobsters in upstate New York, I would know whether to agree or disagree. But I know funny and in the film cameos and short appearances I witnesses him in growing up, I can honestly say the dude made me laugh every single time. Funniest part of Blazing Saddles? This part. Funniest part of Robin Hood Men In Tights? This part. The best part of all those Friar Clubs roasts with Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra? These parts. I don’t know the man but he got me every time. It’s a shame he’s gone. Not in the face!!!
Today’s Birthday Of Someone You Thought Was Already Dead: 1930 – Katherine Jackson. Mother of Michael Jackson and the rest of the dysfunctional Jackson clan. With everything that’s ever been said and reported about Joe Jackson, do you know it finally took her until 2010 to divorce that asshat? She tried to in 1975, but due to her religious beliefs – she is a practicing Jehovah’s Witness (in a related story –THE JACKSONS ARE FUCKING LUNY) – she stayed with him, even after he fathered an illegitimate daughter in the 80s. When asked for comment about the child he fathered which would ultimately led to the divorce, he replied, “That’s Billie Jean. She’s just a girl who claims I am the one. She says I am the one but the kid is not my son. Er, I mean daughter.”
Fun Fact: Gorillas have a nose print similar to our fingerprints and no two nose prints for a gorilla are alike.
Made Up Quote Of The Day Attributed To Martin Luther King Jr That isn’t Even His And Is Causing A Social Ruckus: I will mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.- Martin Luther King Jr. (Check out the controversy HERE.) Illusion Of The Day  I thought you couldn't use any hands in soccer. Pussies.
May 2nd, 2011 is the 122nd day of the year. There are 243 days remaining until 2012.
Today's Date in Obscure History: 2000 - President Clinton announces that GPS access would no longer be restricted to the US military, paving their way for consumers to purchase devices for their own vehicles and to never be lost again. Shabby printouts from Yahoo and Google Maps are finally retired as computer voices from Tom Toms and Garmir systems now tell us to all the places we have no real interest in going to.
Today's Birthday: 1903 - Dr. Spock. No not the pointy eared Vulcan, but rather Dr. Benjamin Spock, pediatrician and author. Spock was the first pediatrician to study psychiatry to try and understand children's needs and family dynamics. Up until the 1950s, parental upbrining was centered in discipline and rigid scheduling. He actually had to introduce concepts like loving and hugging your child and to actually be affectionate to the little person you, you know, created. Dr. Spock was also an advoacte againist male circumcision, and in 1991, received the first Human Rights Award from the International Symposium on Circumcision. Yes, there is actually a committee out there and sit around all day and talk about slicing dudes weiners.
Today's Death: 1519 - Leonardo Da Vinci. Did you know that at age 24, Leonardo Da Vinci and three friends were arrested and charged with sodomy? The charges were later dropped, but, um, yeah. Much has been speculated of Leonardo's sexual orientation over the years, and reportedly he was said to have many passionate and loving relationships with his male pupils over the years. So not only was Da Vinci a Renaissance artist and inventor, he was the father of the modern day studnet-teacher sex scandal. Cowabunga!
Today's Birthday Of Someone You Totally Thought Was Dead: 1936- Engelbert Humperdinck. British-Indian pop star which such hits as "Release Me" and "The Last Waltz." We may only know of him as a dude with a funny name but our grandparents definitely grinded the shit out of each other at clubs to his songs. Then after they felt each other up a bit they yelled at your Mom and Dad to stop crying and ruining the mood.
Fun Fact: During the Civil War, 3 cent bills were issued as coin money was being hoarded for its melted down value.
Quote Of The Day: "It is God's job to forgive Osama bin Laden.
It is our job to arrange a face to face meeting." - General H. Norman Schwarzkopf Illusion Of The Day  Can you spot the piece of shit in this hidden message?
April 27, 2011 is the 117th day of the year. There are 248 days remaining until 2012.
Today’s Date In Obscure History: 1773 - Great Britain imposes The Tea Act to extend their monopoly on all tea sold throughout all British colonies, including a little place we like to call the ol U.S. of A. The Act benefitted the East India Company, which distributed tea to the Americas, and put an end to American colonists getting their tea at discount from smugglers. The tax was placed upon the tea in order to spawn revenue for the struggling company and it was actually implememented to sell excess tea at a reduced price for customers. But much like the spoiled brats from MTV's Sweet Sixteen, you can imagine the colonists did not like being told what to do, so they refused to buy the tea and sent merchant ships back to Britain with tea unsold. There probably wouldn't have been much of an incident, until a couple of drunks in Boston decided to dump the tea into the ocean during a night long drinking binge and kick off a revolution. Three hundred years later, Jack Edwards of NESN would use this important event in American history to stand alongside a first round NHL playoff series. Today’s Birthday: 1791 - Samuel F.B. Morse. Inventor and creator of Morse code. While Morse is best known for inventing a full language of dots, lines, and dashes, few know he actually held a pro-slavery position all his life. His defense of slavery was that it was sanctioned, and and it was a social condition with no moral or ethic boundaries. He likened it to being a parent, employer, or a ruler. That being said, Mindwafers would like to take this opportunity to say, "Dash off, you dashing line dot dot dash line."
Today’s Death: 1521 - Ferdinard Magellan. Portuguese explorer. Jerry Seinfeld's favorite explorer was the first man to cross the Atlantic into the Pacific Ocean, and his men were the first explorers to set sail around the world. Unfortunately Magellan missed out on the honor as he was killed at the tail end of the trip in the Phillippines, as he was speared by natives tribesmen who he tried to convert to Christianity. Always a great decision when you first meet an indigious people: "Hey everything you have ever thought and worshipped is wrong - you guys should be worshipping this hippie bearded guy that can multiple fish and fly across water."
Today’s Birthday Of Someone You Thought Was Already Dead: 1932 - Casey Kasem. Radio personality and host of American Top 40. The man with the golden voice (he also voiced Shaggy in the original Scooby Doo cartoons) had been doing pop music countdown shows in various formats beginning in 1970 until he finally retired in 2009. When asked what was his favorite band was in the almost 5 decades of reviewing, counting down and enjoying music, he replied simply, "Zack Attack."
Fun Fact: Mosaics with the phrase "Beware the Dog" would be found on doorsteps in ancient Roman cities.
Quote Of The Day: "The church says the earth is flat, but I know that it is round, for I have seen the shadow on the moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the church." -Ferdinand Magellan
Illusion of The Day  Awww--Grandma!
April 25, 2011 is the 115th day of the year. There are 250 days remaining until 2012.
Today’s Date In Obscure History: 1847 - The last members of the Donner Party, an American pioneer family, are rescued from the wilderness. In perhaps the worst game of real-life Oregon Trail ever played, a group of nearly 100 migrating Westerners encountered hardship after hardship and are marooned during the winter of 1846-47. The harsh winter, dwindling food supplies, and infighting among the pioneer families led to many deaths, and some of the party even resorted to cannibalism, eating dead pioneers that had already succumbed to sickness and starvation in order to survive. Only 48 of the original 87 members of the wagon party survive, but historians believe the numbers would have been much higher if they had just paid a few Indian guides to guide them throughout various river crossing, and of course, not shot 10,000 pounds of buffalo meat when they could only carry 200 pounds back to their wagons.
Today’s Birthday: 1976 - Tim Duncan. NBA player. Selected number one in the 1997 NBA Draft by the Boston Celtics, who finished the previous season with only 15 wins, Duncan immediately turned the franchise around, and with superstar Antoine Walker by his side and three time NBA Coach of The Year Rick Pitino leading an aggressive full court press, the Celtics would win 6 championship in the late 90s and into the 2000s, restoring the once proud franchise into a new decade of dominance. Oh wait - what's that? The Celtics lost that draft lottery even though they had a 35% of winning, by far the best percentage of all the top lottery teams? Oh right. I forgot. Hey. Fuck you Duncan.
Today’s Death: 2002 - Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes. Founding member of T.L.C., who contributed many annoying rap solos and completely infringed on the actual talent of the two other members, Tionne "T-Boz" Watkins and Rozonda "Chilli" Thomas. Lopes first made non terrible music headlines in 1994 when she set fire to her then boyfriend Andre Rison's shoes, leading to a large house fire that burned down the NFL star's mansion. She died while in Honduras on a 30-day spiritual retreat when her rental car rolled over several times as she swerved to avoid oncoming traffic. She was buried amongst family and friends in Georgia, with her wishes of their being absolutely No Scrubs present at the service.
Today’s Birthday Of Someone You Thought Was Already Dead: 1940 - Al Pacino. Hoo-AH! Arguably the greatest living actor today, Pacino has spawned legendary characters to the big screen, including Michael Corleone, Frank Serpico, Tony Montana, and Ricky Roma. Currently Pacino is being investigated by the IRS, as they claim he has owned the government more than $180,000 in unpaid taxes. Pacino's response to the IRS: "You're out of order! You're out of order!! This whole trial is out of order!!!"
Fun Fact: The biggest embezzlement is US history was done by Yasuyoshi Kato, former chief financial officer of Day-Lee Foods Inc, who stole more than $100 million, but only received a 63 month prison sentence.
Quote Of The Day: "All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring." -Chuck Palahniuk Illusion Of The Day  How many squares do you see? Oh yeah, sorry about the temporary blindness that comes with this.
April 20, 2011 is the 110th day of the year. There are 255 days remaining until 2012.
Today’s Date In Obscure History: 2008 – Danica Patrick wins the Indy Japan 300, becoming the first female to ever win an Indy car race. However she still needs help parallel parking her car into the pit stop after the race ends.
Today’s Birthday: 1959 - Clint Howard. American actor and all around weirdo. Ron Howard’s brother with the misshapen head, Clint has appeared in 100 TV and movie roles since his career began way in 1967 with the show Gentle Ben. He also appeared alongside his brother Ron in The Andy Griffith Show as “Leon” a toddler who would go up to characters on the show dressed as a cowboy and offer them bites of his sandwich. Yes, really. The weirdness of Clint Howard really did begin at young age. Among his other credits include various Star Trek incarnations, Adam Sandler movies, B-horror movies like The Ice Cream Man, and even won a Lifetime Achievement award from MTV at the 1998 MTV Movie Awards. With a resume like that, who needs Opie, right.
Today’s Death: 1912- Bram Stoker. Irish author. Most famous work was Dracula, but did you also know that Stoker made his living as a personal assistant to the famous actor Sir Henry Irving, a Victorian era actor/manager who ran his own stage productions from the acting and directing to the stage production, set design and lighting. He did it all like some kind of tyrannical version of M Night Shyamalan. Stoker’s role in Sir Irving’s life was that of personal assistant, which is the equivalent of Stephen King running around doing PR for Mel Gibson. Sir Irving is said to be Stoker’s inspiration for Dracula but luckily never lived to see his version of Dracula brought to the screen and ruined by Keanu Reeves.
Today’s Birthday Of Someone Who You Already Thought Was Dead: 1937 - George Takei. Actor and gay activist. One of the few remaining cast members of the original Star Trek, Takei has been making headlines in the last few years for completely non Starfleet related things. Since coming out, he has embarked on multiple Human Rights Campaign to encourage tolerance and equality, while never losing the ability to poke fun at himself as the first ever Japanese gay man in space. He was the first, along with his partner, to apply for same sex marriage license when California allowed gay marriage in 2008, and was married amongst fellow cast-mates Uhura and Chekov. Always the first to speak out against homophobic public figures, (ie Tim Hardaway), he also has an asteroid named after him, making it the only time in history that two things named George Takei have ever circled Uranus.
Fun Fact: The deserts of Tunisia housed the original Star Wars movie sets for the film's planet Tatooine. More than 30 years after the premier of the first movie in the series, the sets are still very well preserved and visitors to Tunisia can even stay in Luke Skywalker’s home.
Quote Of The Day: "The only man who makes no mistake is the man who does nothing." Teddy Roosevelt Illusion Of The Day  Yahtzee ?
April 18, 2011 is the 108th day of the year. There are 257 days remaining until 2012.
Today’s Date In Obscure History: 1969 – The first Patriots Day is officially commemorated as a holiday in Massachusetts, Maine, and…Wisconsin?! Yes, that’s right, the civic holiday honoring the first battle between British soldiers and colonists as a precursor to the American Revolutionary is also a celebrated school observance day in the land of dairy and cheese-heads. We still aren’t sure if they use different colored cows for reenactments battles between red coats and minutemen.
Today's Birthday: 1963 – Conan O’Brien. Former Tonight Show host – current host of “Conan” on TBS. Remember when Conan had a stalker? A former Boston priest spent two years in 2006 stalking Conan O’Brien, writing threatening fan mail and trying to force his way into Conan’s Late Night TV studio during a live taping. In 2008, he was arrested and forced to undergo a psychological evaluation. He later plead guilty to stalking and received a whopping $95 fine on top of a two year restraining order to stay away from the bearded comedian. In response to this controversy, Conan debuted a new character on his show – The Masturbating Priest Stalker. The Catholic Church is said to be discouraged with this character as they already have far too many masturbating priests.
Today's Death: 1955 – Albert Einstein. Theoretical physicist. In his lifetime, Einstein published over 300 scientific papers, as well as 150 non-scientific works. Some of his non-scientific works include books on such topics as war, philosophy, his Jewish heritage, and even a Physics for Dummies book called The Evolution of Physics, written for the layperson to understand his works. Einstein also co-authored two of the Twilight books, but died before he had a chance to publish his theory why Bella picked Edward over Jacob. Shit! Did we just give it away?
Today’s Birthday of Someone You Thought Was Already Dead: 1946 – Hayley Mills. Miss Bliss of Saved By the Bell’s earlier years when it was stupid and they were in Indiana. Yes can you believe it – Miss Bliss still kicking it at the age of 65. Why the producers of SBTB decided to keep Belding over Bills for the revamp of the show is still a mystery, but I think it’s safe to say it all worked out in the end. There is nothing more disappointing than turning on a Saved By the Bell episode, hearing the theme song, then realizing it’s a Miss Bliss one. It’s like a Shemp Three Stooges. So while the SBTB cast flourished in the revamp series, Mills faded into TV movie obscurity. The last time anyone heard from her, she was still attempting to help Deke learn how to read.
Fun Fact: A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, Indiana
Quote of the Day: “If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut.” Albert Einstein Illusion Of The Day  And this is why you aren't allowed to touch anything at museums.
April 15, 2011 is the 105th day of the year. There are 260 days remaining until 2012.
Today’s Date In Obscure History: 1955 - Ray Kroc opens the first restaurant which would become the juggernaut McDonald's in Des Moines, Iowa. Yes, today was also the day Lincoln died, the Titantic sunk, and Toyko Disney opened, but we wanted to give props to the two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun that revolutionized the way people become fat. Sure McDonald's has changed a lot since Ray Kroc's dream back in '55 of a fast food assembly line of cheap burgers, fries and shakes, but...wait. Nothing's changed.
Today's Birthday: 1452 - Leonardo da Vinci, Italian Renaissance jack of all trades. Despite his forays into sculpting, painting, architecture, music, science, mathematics, engineer, inventing, geology, cartography, anatomy, botanist, and literature, he is best known for hiding clues into his works of arts for Tom Hanks and hot foreign chicks to run around and try to decode while being chased by albinos.
Today's Death: 2010 - Jack Herer. Author and Cannabis Activist. A former Republican, Here dedicated his life to the de-criminalization of cannabis, authoring books supporting hemp as a cash crop and as a renewable source of food, fuel, and medicine. A documentary of his efforts, The Emperor Of Hemp, was filmed in 1999, and in probably the coolest of honors to bestow upon a a pothead, a strain of cannabis was named after Jack in honor of his work to un-demonize hemp. More fun facts about Jack Here, the coolest cat to ever be featured of the Daily Wafe: 10 years before his death, he suffered a heart attack and stroke, and nursed himself back to full health with the aid of amanita muscaria, a pyschoactive mushroom.
Today’s Birthday of Someone You Thought Was Already Dead: 1983 - Ilya Kovalchuk. No wait, I'm sorry - that was just his career after being traded to the Devils! Ba-dum-CHING! Here all week, folks. Please tip your servers - they work hard for you out there.
Fun Fact: Every human being, including identical twins, has a unique eye and tongue print to go along with their fingerprint.
Quote of the Day: "Every man of genius sees the world at a different angle from his fellows, and there is his tragedy." Havelock Ellis, British psychologist
Illusion of the Day
Singing Mexicans or Old Couple in Love? Or more...?
April 13, 2011 is the 103rd day of the year. There are 262 days remaining until 2012.
Today’s Date In Obscure History: 1976. The $2 bill is reintroduced. Some people will tell you this was tied in to the Bicentennial Celebration. False! The $2 Bill was brought back to give your friends in the hospitality industry yet another restaurant "fact" to annoy you with. "If you get really good service, you're supposed to leave a $2 bill. It means, that, it's like the best service you've ever had." Bitch! You work at Applebee's! Bring my riblets and STFU.
Today's Birthday: 1975. Lou Bega - Singer. Had a hit with "Mambo No. 5" and a few others. But don't think that ol' Lou has dropped off the face of the Earth. Not only is he still churning out more albums that you'll never buy, he sang the theme song to (and I swear to you that this is a real show,) Brandy & Mr. Whiskers on the Disney Channel.
Today's Death: 1980. Markus Hottinger - Racecar Driver. If I knew I was going to die in a racing accident, I think it'd want it to be some kind of spectacular fireball of madness crashing through a wall and then exploding. Not this guy. Markus died during a race after a tire hit him in the head.
Today’s Birthday of Someone You Thought Was Already Dead: . 1963. Gary Kasparov - Chess Grandmaster. Considered to be the greatest chess player of all time, may be most famous for being the first world chess champion to lose to a computer, IBM's Deep Blue. Kasparov accused IBM of cheating and demanded a rematch. IBM said they had nothing to hide and to prove it... they tore down the computer and told Gary to fuck off.
Fun Fact: Hagfish are the only living animals that have a skull but no backbone. Photo Of The Day
 Don't forget to stop and smell the roses each and every day....
April 12, 2011 is the 102nd day of the year. There are 263 days remaining until 2012.
Today’s Date In Obscure History: 1877. The catcher for Harvard's baseball team, James Tyng, wore a modified fencing mask behind the plate. It is believed to be the first time a catcher's mask was used during a game. It is also believed to be the first time a player wore a "I'm a Giant Pussy" sign during a game.
Today's Birthday: 1869. Henri Désiré Landru - French serial killer. During WWI many men were off fighting in the war, leaving their wives alone at home. Henri would put ads in paper saying he was a sad widower looking for love, and attempt to seduce these lonely ladies. If successful, he'd gain access to their assets, invest their money in high yield bonds and set up trusts in the names of the women's children. Just kidding. He killed them and their burned their bodies in his kitchen oven. They must've had some amazing ventilation in Parisian homes. How do you not notice the continued stench of burning flesh?
Today's Death: 1817. Charles Messier - Astronomer. Published a catalogue of nebulae and star clusters. Mostly so that comet chasers could figure out if they were discovering a comet (Ooooohhh!!!!) or just staring at some bright lights that are up there every night. Messier actually discovered 13 comets himself. Who can forget C/1764 A1, or C/1788 W1? Oh, what's that? Everyone? I'm.. I'm being told everyone. The answer is everyone. You wasted your life Chucky.
Today’s Birthday of Someone You Thought Was Already Dead: . Herbie Hancock - Musician. Holy crap! Herbie's still rockin' it! Whether or not you like jazz and funk fusions you've got to check out the video to "Rockit". While you're watching, keep in mind this is the same guy that did the soundtrack for the Fat Albert cartoon.
Today's Crazy News Story: Dead man donates penis to Iceland Penis Musuem.
Fun Fact: The first modern electrical air conditioning unit was invented in 1902 in Buffalo, NY where it's never reached 100 degrees, and the average hottest month is July when it gets to a measely 80 degrees.
April 11, 2011 is the 101st day of the year. There are 264 days remaining until 2012.
Today’s Date In Obscure History: 1814. The Treaty of Fontainebleau was signed. Bascially all the countries that invaded France said, "You get rid of this Napoleon guy, and we're cool." France was all like, "Deal! We never liked that short fuck, anyway!" So away Napoleon went, and all of Europe's problems were solved, and nothing bad ever happened again.
Today's Birthday: 2000. Comerica Park. The Detroit Tigers built a new stadium as part of downtown revitalization plan for Detroit. So how's that working out?
Today's Death: 1903. Gemma Galgani - Saint (Italian). Most of her family died from illnesses, and because of her own poor health, she wasn't allowed to become a nun. She got meningitis at the age of 20, but great news!! She was healed by praying to Jesus! It's a good thing, because a year later when she started speaking with angels and levitating, people might have mistakenly thought that she was exhibiting symptoms of the condition (fever, confusion, altered consciousness, vomiting, an inability to tolerate light, epilepsy.) Luckily, the Roman Catholic Church was there to step in and realized they had a bona fide saint on their hands. Definitely, not someone suffering from a bacterial infection of the brain.
Today’s Birthday of Someone You Thought Was Already Dead: 1953. Guy Verhofstadt - Prime Minister of Belgium. If you're running Belgium, you should have one job. Promote more beer drinking! I recommend Chimay, or St. Bernadus, or Leffe. Likewise, if you're the mayor of Woodbridge, Illinois you should also be promoting the drinking of Belgian beers rather than the local swill.
Today's Crazy News Story: Men in Alaska wear high heels to march against rape
Fun Fact: The rye bread we know as pumpernickel gets its name from the words "pumpern" and "Nickel", which in German, pumpern means "to break wind" and nickel means goblin. So enjoy a nice sandwich on your devil's fart bread.
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